The Holy Queue

Alas! Those innumerable rivers, wells, backwaters and seas that bedeck our God’s own state do nothing to quench our thirst. Water, water everywhere but to drink a drop we need to stand in queue. But not the way those mortals in other states stand in front of water taps. Here we get our malted holy water from Beverages Corporation. We the men from the land of Adi Shankara and Mata Amritanandamayi are born ‘spiritual’. Why do you think St. Thomas came here first? Because the world knows that we love to get intoxicated with the spiritual bliss. And we are willing to stand in a queue for nothing but for that divine bliss. You can see those long queues in temples like Guruvayoor and Sabarimala. But when we need instant nirvana, we prefer the holy shrine of Beverages Corp. Ridicule us not as undisciplined brats; our discipline in this queue will put even Buddhist monks into shame. Rich or poor, elite or browbeaten, Hindu or Ahindu, proletariat or capitalist; all coexist harmoniously in this queue. Some of the finest friends in our life we got acquainted while standing in this queue. Some of us are married to the sisters or daughters of our spiritual queue mates. We name our kids ‘Bejoys, Jack, Daniel’ etc. and we name our houses ‘Mansion House’. ‘Celebration’ is our nature and we think (fallaciously) that we are ‘No.1’. Our spiritual guru is an 'Old Monk'. To move the queue quickly we took an oath that we will not order some obscure spirit but limit our order to Brandy and Rum. We make sure that those weak hearts, who order feminine drinks like wine, are expelled from this Holy Communion forever. Standing we discuss international politics, crude oil prices, next hartal or Nayanthara’s latest wardrobes (or nonexistence of it). On the eves of Onam and Christmas we have special rites and communion in front of the Beverages Corporation. In those occasions the length of the queues often attracts TV channels from across the nation. No missionary worth his salt can convert us from our spiritual pursuit. Fanatic blocks, you may lament us.