Dressed for the Occasion

If drunken driving is illegal then why do bars have a parking lot? I thought desperately. But I know it’s not healthy to argue with the Kerala Police. Every fugitive has a day and Santosh you are caught today, I thought. Sweat rolled down on forehead. The checking is done by an army of policemen and I sat frozen waiting for my turn haplessly. I was 6th in the queue. At the subtle level, the survival instinct was searching for a window to escape from this coup. I reached out for my purse. Settling a big bar bill and a tip to show that how generous that I am, left the purse slim. For a moment, I wish I were in Pune where the paltry sum left in my purse would have been sufficient to escape unscathed. In Kerala, you cannot bribe the Police without worrying about how you would feed your children for the rest of the month. It was drizzling and I watched the Policemen’s face through the wet windscreen. Through the droplets of water, their face appeared deformed like ghosts in those Hollywood horror movies. A huge billboard on the opposite side had Mohanlal asking me “vaikeettenda paripaadi?” (What’s the program for the evening?) ‘Wait and watch sir’. I told him.

The officer who was checking the Skoda Superb in front of mine got a victim. The fella was pleading that he only had one beer. The reply was rude. The cop said everybody who was caught said that they had just one beer. Through the wet screen I could see the deformed face of the victim. He was cringing and pleading and I am sure the first thing he told the cop could be the bribe. I assumed that it was not working. My hope is crushed. The rich man followed the policeman like a tramp. He was guided to a shabby van. What a plummet! I remembered Poonthanam and Jnanappana.

I rolled up the window as the rain picked up. It was just two days before one of my friends was caught for drunken driving. He was caught at 6.30 pm and asked to sit in a van. He had to sit there till 11.30 pm till the van was filled with a bunch of souls who sought for a little pleasure in that evening. Then like a parade they were taken to a filthy government hospital nearby. The old and coarse nurses of the hospital behaved as if these men were accused for rape cases. They had to sit in a nauseatingly stinking veranda, near that the medical wastes are dumped, for hours. At around 2.00 am the testing and certification were over. The parade went to the Police Station and sat there till the next morning. Police stations are mosquito infested and mosquitoes in Cochin are bigger than an Apache helicopter. Those poor men could not run for cover. I had a hearty laugh after hearing about his amorous night out with the old nurses and cops. But I never imagined that the noose was this closer and I would soon be meeting those coarse ladies.

Thinking about noose, suddenly I remembered the neckties that I dumped in the back seat. I hate that piece of cloth but it is compulsory in the office to wear the misery. As a last resort I took the tie and wore it on. As an additional piece I wore the Identity Card of my company too. I saw a policeman walking up to my car. With pounding heart I rolled down the window. He got confused a bit. A person with the look of a bar bouncer but dressed in an executive attire sitting in the car. Are you coming from office sir? Polite query. I suppressed the wicked smile and nodded. “We are checking for drunken driving cases. You may go sir”.

Tail Piece: Folks I do not encourage drunken driving. Please be clean while driving or appoint a chauffeur who does not drink. If nothing can be done atleast carry a tie.