Marriage of Bonsais
Today is his wedding. He should marry because he is one of the most eligible bachelor boys I have seen in this company. Handsome, healthy and most importantly clean hearted unlike most of his fellow generation. He spends most of his time in muscle building and beautifying his Royal Enfield. When the time came his father pointed out a girl and he is going to marry her. There were enough eligible spinsters in the company but he never dared as his mind did not have as much muscles as his body to break the cobwebs of parental disapproval, sects and customs.
Leave him alone as he is busy getting ready for marriage and my prayers are with him. The other day I was talking to this girl assessing her for a position in the team. “Do you hang out with friends”? I asked. “No, my parents don’t like that” came the nonchalant reply. She may not have noticed the consternation in my eyes. “What about marriage plans?” Me again to break the ice. “Whenever my parents ask me to do”. Same nonchalance.
Intrusion in the name of parenting clouds every aspect of life. Parents would tell them whom to love, how much to love and when to love. They would say which course to study and which career to pursue and which company to work with. Which political belief they should subscribe to and let alone the religion. One of the most sensible girls I know told me that she picked her groom in 10 minutes flat. “Did you like the boy?” I asked. “What to like or dislike in 10 minutes Santosh?” That dispassion and ascetic expression scared me to no limit.
Parents keenly prune the minds of these youngsters with the same meticulousness and patience of a bonsai gardener by systematically cutting the roots of independent thoughts and mashing the flowers of romance in their tender hearts. Their pride peaks when these pigmy minds stoically surrender to their marriage proposals that count more on meaningless vanities than the warmth of relationship.
Oh divine parents, go ahead and continue to do this to your kids. A well pruned bonsai is indeed a piece of art. Worth showcasing. I am no way saying all these marriages will go kaput. After all marriages happen in heaven; even if it is between bonsais.
posted by Santosh at
7:06 PM
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5 Comments:
Are parents the ones only responsible? What about an education system that stifles creativity, inventiveness and research & forces you to conform time and again?
And yet, more and more young people these days are willing to go on a limb and follow their hearts when it comes to decisions regarding career and marriage, I think!
Santosh, you are using too broad a brush to paint your picture! :-)
My pick is not the same as you rada. 14 years in HR profession I must have interviewed 1000 people. Interacted with even more than that. While I agree with you on the education systems, parenting has its own share of idiosyncrasies. May be my brush is broad but still there is some true colors there.
My point of view is that though the children need security, guidance and love, in many cases parents overdo it. I feel especially sad when it comes to matters of those grown up children choosing their field of study or life partner. What those parents do not realize is that their control prevents their children from developing a healthy sense of independence. Intrusion to that extent with the pretext of parenting is wrong.
A good post.
I agree to you Sontosh. But, you see it's not always or rather it's never the parents.
As said in your blog, "what to like or dislike in 10 min? ". I would say, this life is not enough to know a female.
What's the point in taking a decission which no one can be sure about. And yes, we the so called youth ( what people call us) agree to the arranged marriage as the same atleast makes someone happy.
And to add to it, love is blind.
YOUTH
do you think this parental pruning is responsible for keeping the institution of family in tact in this part of the world?
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